Kill Me or Kiss Me
by WellThisIsANewURLInnit
Summary: Three months after Apocalypse was vanquished, Raven is moping about in Mississippi in Destiny's house. Destiny's had enough of her sad-sack behavior and sends her undercover to kill Wolverine! Now rated M.
1. KILL him?

"Kill him, Raven. You need to kill him."

Mystique's eyes widened to impossible sizes.

"Irene! I can't _kill_ James! He's unkillable for a start!"

The blind woman simply sat there solemnly.

Raven gave her a look. "I know you can see the look I'm giving you, Irene! I am not going to fucking _kill_ James! I. Won't. Do. It!"

Destiny sighed. "You _must,_ Raven! Our futures depend on it!"

Mystique bit her deep blue lip, frowning. James was her old lover. They had been together for three whole years, living in that shithole apartment in Kentucky. And then she'd taken that bank robbing job and had to leave town when it went wrong. That was when she'd gotten Anna from that kids home and started her new life. She'd felt so guilty about taking an illegal job after she'd promised James she wouldn't, and about hurting him by leaving him.

She sighed and slumped down into the big orange easy chair in Destiny's front room. She had never planned on leaving him, had never wanted that. But she hadn't thought he would want her back after supposedly hurting him like that, committing a capitol offense, and becoming an overnight mama. But the first time she'd seen him after taking the undercover job for Magnus as Irene had instructed her, she'd seen the pain in his eyes. The hurt and the betrayal.

She ran a hand through her hair. She loved James. Loved him like she'd never loved anyone before or since. But now she was supposed to kill him. Kill him! Was it even possible to kill the Wolverine?

"Goddamn it, Destiny!" she bit out from behind clenched teeth. "This is James we're talking about. How in ever loving fuck am I supposed to fucking kill him?" she cried desperately. "I love him!"

Her eyes widened. Shit. She hadn't meant to say that out loud. Shit, shit, shit. Shit!

Irene hid her smirk. She knew that. That was the very reason she was sending Raven back to Bayville. After all that had happened with Apocalypse a few months ago, she'd come back, heartbroken because her kids had renounced her. She'd been doing nothing but mope around the Mississippi flat all day long like a heartsick teenager.

Destiny had a plan. She hadn't seen anything at all concerning the X-Men in her visions. But she did know that Raven loved him, and he loved her, even if he was angry with her. He was also close to both Rogue and Kurt. So she was sending Raven to Bayville to get up close and personal with the X-Men, and with Logan especially. She knew Raven couldn't ever kill him, couldn't even try. It was a perfect plan.

"I know," she answered finally. "But you must. Now go to that phone," she pointed to the one mounted on the wall in the kitchen. "And contact Xavier, ask for a job as an instructor. Say anything you have to. The goal here is to infiltrate and take out, Raven. Nothing more."

"But—"

"Now."

Mystique gave a simultaneously pained and pissed off look. She hated being ordered around and truly didn't want to do this. But she stood and did as Destiny ordered. With her visions of the future, Irene had never steered her wrong and had been one of the only people Raven had ever listened to without question.

"Xavier's institute for gifted youngsters, how may I help you?"

_Oh, this will be fun,_ Raven thought, sighing.


	2. Arrival

**Chapter Two**

Logan sighed as he brushed down one of the horses in the stable. Thor, the enormous draft horse, was the only one that was able to carry his weight. He was Logan's favorite.

He'd gotten the news from Charles about three days ago that his old flame was moving back up to Bayville. Raven. His one time lover, the woman that ripped off a bank and ripped out his heart. He'd told the kids only yesterday. At least Logan had had a few days to drink and prepare himself mentally. But Anna, Rogue. She was taking it hard.

Logan smiled at the thought of his daughter. Daughter. He had grown very close with the girl through all her troubles as an X-Man, as a mutant, and as a kid from a broken home. Of course, there had also been good bonding. He'd take her out to movies and brave the mall and such. She would come sit and listen to the Stones CD he would always put on as he worked the cars and bikes in the garage he'd gotten as fixer-uppers. Eventually, she had slipped and called him daddy one day and he'd welcomed it. They'd gone down to city hall and changed her last name to Logan last week. He was glad to have the privilege of knowing her real name. None of the other X-Men did.

His heart sunk as he heard the engine of a cab pulling around the long street of Greymalkin, pulling him out of his musings. He knew who that would be. Raven. How was he supposed to forget she existed (or try to, anyway) if she was living in the same damn house as him? Eating the same food, reading the same books out of the library, and teaching the same students. And of course she'd want to get close to Anna.

He patted Thor and guided him back into his stall with a bribe of alfalfa.

XXXXXXXXXX

Raven's stomach dropped as the cab pulled up to the gates and the driver pressed the buzzer. She so didn't want to do this… Not at all. How in fuck was she supposed to get closer to James all over again and fucking _kill_ him? She'd thrown more than a few of Destiny's dishes at the wall in the kitchen over it last night. Then she'd gone in her room and broke down because she remembered how much he hated that.

Raven steeled herself as she watched him walk out of the stables, across the expansive lawns, and tap in the security code on the gate. It felt like slow motion as the cab pulled up to the front doors of the mansion. She glanced up at its stony countenance, catching a glimpse of a pale, scowling face out of one window before the curtain slipped back between the figure and the glass.

She was startled when her cab door opened before she could get it herself, and looked up to see Logan standing there waiting for her to get out. She payed the cab driver and got her purse, stepping out of the car and raising an eyebrow at her suitcase already in Logan's hand. She'd forgotten what a gentleman he could be. That only sent an even harder pang of guilt through her heart. She couldn't kill a man who opened her door for her!

She shook her head, trying to get those kinds of thoughts out of her head. She should be focused on the objective. This was a job. A simple job, a simple takedown.

_Fuck no it's not,_ she thought to herself. _This is no simple takedown. This is James 'Wolverine' Logan we're talking about. Fuck you, Destiny! Fuck you!_

Stopping in one of the master bedrooms in the teacher's wing, Logan set her bag down.

"This'll be your room," he grunted, not looking at her. "Chuck wanted to see you later to set up a schedule. Dinner is at six."

He walked off down the hall and Raven watched him for a moment before grabbing her suitcase and letting herself into her spacious room to unpack.

AN/ To any of my new readers, I'm sorry that I didn't put the warning on the summary from the first chapter. It's there now and I hope you'll continue reading and not be too squicked.


	3. Siblings and Musings

**Chapter Three**

Rogue paced her room angrily with her arms folded. How could the Professor let that dirty shyster into this house without even running it by her? Sure, she was only sixteen. But that lecher was supposed to be her mother and did nothing but betray her over and over.

She growled like her daddy and struck out at the wall, hissing at the pain and welcoming it at the same time. Rogue wasn't a masochist by any means, but it was a distraction. She was fed up with everything, the professor especially, and sleep deprived. She'd pulled two all nighters in a row. The first because she had a sleepover with Wanda so they could cram for the SATs and the second last night because she was stressing over her test scores and over Mystique coming here.

She was going to _live_ here. She was going to eat here, sleep here, train here, teach here, talk here, think here and _breathe_ here.

"Fuck. Mah. Fuckin'. Life!"

There was a puff of smoke and a BAMF! sound. Kurt was behind her with his hand over his eyes. "Are you decent, schwester?"

"Ass naked," she said in a dry tone. He laughed and uncovered his eyes, smiling at her.

"You know, one of these days Ah'm gonna be tellin' the truth and you're gonna open your eyes and give both of us a traumatic memory," she snorted.

"So stop lying. You're the one crying wolf."

He flopped down onto her gray frowny face beanbag chair and tapped his two fingers against the side. "She's here, you know."

"Ah know," she sighed, sitting on her bed. She rubbed her tired eyes and swore when her fingers got covered in purple sludge and her eye sting like hell.

"You should go natural more often," he remarked after she had rubbed all the makeup off her left eye. She scowled at him.

"Ah like mah makeup, thank ya very much."

He held his hands up in a surrendering gesture.

"Whaddaya want, brother?" she sighed. Kurt didn't tend to risk her wrath and pop right inside her room unless he had something on his mind.

"I… Should I go talk to her?" he asked, face screwing up in confused melancholy. "I hate what she did to me. To us. But she's still our mother, right? And if she didn't want to change, she wouldn't be here."

Rogue frowned and flopped back on her bed. She'd thought along the same line between spurts of rancor.

"Ah don't know if Ah'm ready for that just yet. Besides, did you see her when daddy first lead her into the mansion?"

Kurt nodded. "Ja, I was watching from my balcony."

"She looked totally spaced out."

"Like there was a bad taste in her mouth," Kurt agreed.

Rogue sighed and hugged her pillow.

"Ah don't know, Kurt. Ah just don't know."

XXXXXXXXXX

Raven frowned as she looked over the list of kids that was going to be her team. Shit, she was an X-Man. A fucking X-Man. She didn't know if she was capable of this, much less killing the man she'd been yearning after for twelve years.

The papers had a list of the four kids she was assigned—One of which being her own son—And their powers, strengths in the field, and even some personality traits. There were also many blank forms he'd given her with lesson plan layouts, spots for notes, and track sheets for the kids and their progress. There was more than that, he'd said, but this was what she needed to get started. _There's a lot more to this shit than I ever thought or gave these mansion folks credit for…_

She raised her head, which was hanging off the edge of the bed, and glanced at the clock on the wall. Dinner was in ten minutes and she looked like she'd been traveling all day.

"Fuck _me_," she grumbled, stacking the papers and sliding them under her bed. She flipped off the bed and walked over to her yet unpacked suitcase, unzipping it and digging through her clothes. They would wrinkle if she left them like that, but she didn't particularly care. Oh, she would later, she was vain like that. But now she was just flustered and a bit dazed at all this.

She grabbed a purple pencil skirt, paired it with a white blouse, and shifted into her blue form. She'd been in her blonde disguise so as not to draw attention to herself in her travels. Truth be told, she never felt exactly right when she wasn't in her own true skin.

She put on the outfit and grimaced at how she looked. Far too preppy. She slipped off the skirt and tried a tight black skirt that hit mid thigh. Oh, yes, that looked much better and would get James all bothered if he decided to pay that kind of attention to her.

Grimacing, she sat at the desk chair and started doing up the tiny buckle on the strap of her left high heel. James could decide to think of her as an ex-lover, a threat to his family here, or just ignore her completely. Or he could be furious. She hoped it wasn't the latter, though her lips quirked up in a smirk when she remembered the last time he'd been furious with her. They'd still been on opposing sides then and he hadn't been able to do a damn thing about it. She'd almost reveled in the way his face flushed red and his eyes narrowed and his hands twitched.

"Raven, you _are_ a touch sadistic, aren't you?" she scoffed to herself.

She finished buckling the straps on her heels and stood up, sighing. Oh, good lord. Dinner with the X-Men. She was _not_ ready for this.


	4. I think we all know where

**Chapter Four**

For the first time in a long time, Raven Darkholme felt self conscious. She stepped out into the dining room, fighting the reflex to bite her lip and look away like a blushing schoolgirl when all conversation stopped and everyone's eyes landed on her.

"Take a picture, it'll last longer," she grumbled, taking a seat next to Xavier.

"Now, I'm sure everyone is excited to have such a good field tactician on he team," he said, calling the attention to himself rather than Raven.

Rogue snorted. "Daddy's a shit better tactician in _all_ facets of life than _she_ is," she sneered.

Unable to stop herself, Raven blurted out "Daddy?"

"That would be me," Logan grunted.

Startling news to say the least. If she was drawn to James, she supposed Anna would be, too.

"Well," she said, clearing her throat as her heart sunk into her stomach. "That's… Wonderful." _And will make this even more difficult. How the fuck could Irene do this to me?_ _How am I supposed to kill someone who obviously means so much to my daughter? This will only push her further away from me!_

"Are you alright, Raven?" Xavier asked when he got some turbulent emotional readings off her.

"I'm fine," she lied. "I always am."

XXXXXXXXXX

An awkward hour later, everyone had finished dinner including Raven. She hightailed it to her room and flopped down on the bed, groaning into her pillow.

"You fucking coward. You didn't even speak one word to him!" she berated herself. Really, she hadn't spoken to anyone but Charles, and he had given up after about ten one-word answers from her.

She stripped naked and grabbed a short nightie, threw it on, slipped under the covers, and fell into a dreamless sleep a bit later.

XXXXXXXXXX

_Blood._

_Death. _

_Pain. _

"_You're a monster!"_

"_All your fault!"_

"_How could you kill her?"_

"_ROSE!"_

_Blackness._

Logan shot awake in a cold sweat in the middle of the night, panting hard as if he had been running. He shook his head like a dog, trying to banish the painful memories. Trying to forget.

He swung his legs out of bed and tugged a pair of boxers on, then slipped out of his room. He'd been expecting nightmares tonight, though not that particular nightmare. He'd been more expecting blackness, loneliness, abandonment. All the things he'd felt when Raven first left him. It was almost a welcome change to be wrong for once, although he might have preferred not to dream at all. Rose was one of his biggest regrets in his long life.

He traipsed into the kitchen and honed in on the liquor cabinet, forgoing getting the key to just pick the lock. Gotta keep some skills sharp, anyway.

He grabbed a bottle of bourbon and screwed off the cap, swigging straight from the bottle as he slumped into a chair at the breakfast table.

XXXXXXXXXX

At about midnight, Raven awoke and rolled over in bed, sighing. "Raven, you dumbass," she grumbled to herself. "You've got a danger room session to teach in five hours. Why did you go to bed after dinner?"

Regardless, she slumped out of bed, sitting tiredly on the floor for a moment, before standing to her feet and leaving the room. She'd seen blueprints of course, but she'd never really toured the mansion except when she was shifted into Risty and trying to find cerebro. That annoying kid had been tailing her the whole time, too. What was his name? Arcade. That was it.

She found herself wandering down the main stairway and hooking a left. She walked into the first door on the right and filed away that it was the kitchen. That would be useful information later.

She almost walked right back out when she saw James drowning in a bottle of bourbon at the table wearing nothing more than a pair of black boxers. She steeled herself and took a deep breath, walking over to him. She could do this. She knew she could. She could get close to him just so she could kill him later…

Rather than turning and running out the door, she snatched the bottle out of his hand.

"I was drinking that," he snarled.

"I noticed," she sighed, setting it on the counter. "What are you doing, James?"

He shook his head. "Ain't it obvious, or did you get stupid? _Drinking._"

She gave him a dry look. "Don't be an ass, James. We're going to have to live in the same house and be some approximation of civil."

"Don't call me James."

That got him a raised eyebrow. "That _is_ your name."

"Yes, and one only people close to me are allowed to call me."

Raven's heart hurt at that. She didn't like being reminded that she was no longer close to him or even liked by him. Let alone loved. She bit her lip and walked back over to him, perching on his knee and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Oh, no," he started before she could say anything, shaking his head. "I can't deal with this problem and _you_ at the same time. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Raven's face fell. "James…" she trailed off, not sure how to start. She settled on the thing that had always worked when they lived in Kentucky and she wanted to get him somewhat over to her side. He could be a stubborn bastard, but for as long as she'd known him, he'd been a _horny_ bastard, too.

"I want you, James," she purred, taking his hand and guiding it to her sex under the nightie. She was suddenly glad she never slept in underwear.

He gave her a calculating look. The gears were obviously turning in his head. "What are you playing at, Raven?" he asked, two fingers slipping inside her folds.

"God…" she moaned, leaning her head against her shoulder. She'd forgotten just how much she loved his hands. His fingers. She bit her lip to regain some strain of conscious thought.

"I want you back, James. I want you in my life." It wasn't a lie… She had wanted him back from the very moment she'd lost him. She just happened to have an ulterior motive this time under her actual want.

Logan sighed and rested his forehead against hers. "Why are you doing this to me?" he whispered. "I had some semblance of normalcy in my life again after eleven fucking years of yearning for you. And then you waltz back in and turn everything upside down."

Her eyes snapped shut and she swallowed around a lump in her throat. He'd wanted her back. After all these years, he'd wanted her… This whole time. A single tear slipped down her cheek. "I'm so sorry," she muttered. "So sorry I hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you and I certainly never wanted to stay away from you. Everything just went so terribly wrong."

His breath caught in his throat for a moment. "You didn't?"

"Of course not," she said vehemently, pulling back to look him in the eye for a moment. "How could you think that was what I wanted? Every time I told you I loved you, I was telling the truth. I wanted you back so badly, but I thought you would never want to see me again after what I'd done." She was being completely truthful now and not at all manipulative. Her mission to kill James was now the furthest thing from her mind.

He chuckled mirthlessly. "We really need to learn to communicate better. I thought you'd only used me all those years to get close to Colin and Renee because they worked at that bank you robbed."

She winced at that and rested her head back against his shoulder. That one botched job had ruined her whole life.

"I still love you, James," she blurted out before she could stop herself. He smiled and pecked her on the lips tenderly.

"I love you more than life itself, Ray. I always have and I can just bet I always will."

"So… Where does that leave us now?"

"You know, I'm not sure," he said, making a big show of thinking about it while he worked his fingers into a rhythm inside her folds. "The question really is, my bedroom or yours?"


	5. Sex

**AN/ Yeah, real creative name for a chapter, I know. ;) But this chapter is pretty much completely sex with banter. So… Don't read this if porn offends you. (My god, who doesn't like porn? Weirdos.)**

Raven panted against Logan's mouth as he slammed into his bedroom with her in his arms. She bit his lower lip hard, drawing blood, and he growled lustily as the wound healed over.

She untangled her legs from his waist and tugged her nightie over her head as he shut and locked the door behind himself.

"Why aren't you naked yet James?" she purred, tugging his boxers down and eyeing his hardening member hungrily.

"I though it might scar the students getting up to piss if they happened to see me starkers," he snorted, pouncing on her, pinning her to the bed. "I've missed you, Ray," he purred, nipping and kissing down her neck to her breasts.

"You couldn't have," she groaned, weaving her fingers through his hair. "I was an utter bitch to you."

Logan chuckled. "You're always a bit bitchy."

"That's not what I meant, James," she huffed, slapping his shoulder lightly.

"I know. I'm ignoring what you mean because I don't like remembering the way you hurt me," he said before sucking a nipple into his mouth and rolling it around with his teeth. She bit her lip to keep from crying out in pleasure and waking anybody. Oh, it had been far, far too long since her James had touched her like this. Then she was hit with a wave of intense guilt. She'd hurt him when she left him and that made her feel lower than a flea. He was such a good man, he didn't deserve to be hurt.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, meaning it in so many more ways than he interpreted.

"I think I can get around to apologizing to you," he said, tugging at the curls between her legs with his teeth. He licked at her clit and this time she did make some noise. Good god, nobody but him had ever been able to turn her on so much just by tasting her.

"Do you still insist on your fucking stupid rule about not coming without your permission?" she choked out when she got her bearings back about her.

"Quite vehemently," he said, smirking evilly.

"Then god, please, James!" she whimpered. "I'm so close. So fucking close."

"No," he grinned, slipping his fingers inside her wet folds. "Not yet."

She had to cover her mouth with both hands and bite down hard when he started licking insistently at her clit. Thank fucking god for Kegels or she would have come by now. Several times over.

"James!"

"Not yet," he crooned, a grin splitting his face. She deserved the torture. For a few more minutes, anyway.

"Stop fucking teasing me!" she growled almost desperately. "You know I hate it when you tease me!"

"Oh, but you're so fun to tease, darlin'," he smirked, removing his fingers and finally sliding himself into her up to the hilt.

Raven melted against the sheets with a groan. Oh god. He needed to let her come right this minute or she was going to implode and take his cock with her. He started a rhythm of rough thrusts and pressed his thumb against her clit.

"Come for me, Raven," he ordered, reaching up to tug at her nipple. To her pleasure, her body immediately obeyed his command, her inner walls shuddering and squeezing his cock in spasms.

Logan gasped, then growled loudly, almost a roar, as he shot his seed into her depths. He swore there was no better woman on the face of the earth than his Raven. Slumping his weight onto his elbows, he pressed a kiss to her gasping lips.

"My god, James," she sighed contentedly. He silently agreed with her as he laid behind her and pulled her up against his chest, promptly falling asleep.

Raven sighed and let her mind run wild. She remembered her mission and tried her hardest to fight off tears, failing miserably as they silently spilled over her cheeks and soaked the pillow.

"I'm so sorry, James," she whispered into the sheets.


End file.
